I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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