i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
