I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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