Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
