I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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