I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
