Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
