so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
