NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
