he wants to bone in the snuggie
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
