Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
