You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
