Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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