2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
