i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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