I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
