We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
