i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
