My sheets look like a crime scene.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
