someone owes me an orgasm
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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