To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize