So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
