I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize