The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
