i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
