Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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