Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
