If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
