I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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