how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
