your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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