spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
