Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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