i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
