I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
