So drunk its hurt
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
