i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
