i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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