I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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