Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
