im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
