can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
