So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
