There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
