I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
