and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
