His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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