we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize