FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
