I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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