....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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