the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
