it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
