apparently the secret to your success is patron
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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