the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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