If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
