Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
