Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
