I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
