He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
