Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Boobs speak an international language.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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