Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
