he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
