I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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