I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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