So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
