I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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