dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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